This post is not about living in a fantasy land and always being happy, rather it’s about not being so bogged down by the unpleasant events that can take place in your day-to-day life.
I was inspired to write this because self-help is a skill that I believe each person should hone and I believe in the power of an honest blog post focused on life and experiences.
So I’ll get right to it!
-Why it happens: You set your bar too high and expect of others what you would do or have already done for them; when that doesn’t go as planned, you are left feeling cheated and annoyed. Disappointment also occurs when we expect things that were never 100% guaranteed (this also goes for promises), for example: for a party to be perfect, for a new experience to go as we hoped, for a relationship to last etc.
-How to reverse it: Accept your limited control over most things and be willing to go with the flow. Of course I do not mean to accept just anything, speak up when you should; however, you are often at the root of your own disappointment because of the expectations that you built up and your inability to accept the current outcome.
Final note: Everything happens for a reason, I know that may be annoying to hear, but sometimes things falls apart or simply don’t happen so that better things may take they place. This is not always obvious at first, but you’re on your way to seeing that if you start by getting out of your own way.
Stress and anxiety
-Why it happens: These two are some of the most dreaded emotions for many. You are probably overthinking in the moment or suffer from an anxiety disorder. In one case, you are psyching yourself out (I know a thing or two about that) and in the other you are at the mercy of your chemistry.
-How to reverse it: Although there aren’t any magical solutions that will allow you to be completely immune to anxiety and stress, there are healthy coping methods.
Here are a few:
1-Breath, Breath BREATH with a capital B; ground yourself in the moment, decelerate your heartrate and don’t let the frenzied feeling overwhelm you.
2-Go for a walk; 20 minutes outdoors, listen to music, walk briskly and pay attention to your surroundings rather than to your thoughts and worries.
3-Write down your worries; this can be the scariest thought when you are under stress and feeling anxious. You don’t even want to think about what is preoccupying you, but by writing it down you often realize that you are fearing issues that you can control or at least cope with.
4-Eat well, exercise and sleep enough; take time to rest and take care of yourself if you are easily stressed and prone to anxiety, because a fast paced life can really take a toll on you – make time to meditate, sing in the shower, garden, take care of a pet: do something everyday that is good for you!
5-Talk to someone; whether a family member, a friend or even by going online and reading a helpful discussion thread in a forum. What this will do for you is remind you that you are not alone, that there is help out there and it’ll give you an outlet through which you can vent and be comforted.
Final note: Stress and anxiety are scary, but you can cope with them, there are many methods both behavioral and medical that can assist you. Leading a healthy lifestyle, quieting self-defeating thoughts and reminding yourself that you can handle almost anything thrown your way are ways that you can start helping yourself. When you feel the symptoms coming on, maybe do some jumping jacks and count them, or break out into some nonsensical dancing. The point is to remove yourself from the zone you are in for a while, but then to take on what is worrying you so. Trust me, you can.
-Why it happens: It can be extremely unexpected and upsetting when someone is rude to you, maybe it’s a family member or a stranger, either way it’s no fun.
-How to reverse it: You can speak out and call the person out on it, for example; if it is a store vendor, a classmate or colleague. Rudeness is downright unacceptable and firm diplomacy is an effective way to fight it and leave you feeling empowered rather than…mistreated. I always say that rudeness is highly unnecessary and what is most flabbergasting is that people often don’t even know that they’re being rude until you tell them; in some cases however, though they do.
Final note: If someone is unnecessarily rude, tell them about it. Of course not all situations are the same and sometimes what we qualify as ‘rudeness’ is the result of a cultural discrepancy or it simply is not an option to speak up in the moment. What you do is up to you, but next time somebody is obscenely rude to you and you are in a position to do something about it: then do, rather than let it pass by and have the event haunt your thoughts at night.
-Why it happens: Some illnesses we bring upon ourselves, others we are predisposed to. A key factor to reducing the negative impact of being ill is our mindset. In the case where your illness is debilitating, you cannot be held accountable for much; however, if it is on the level of a cold or flu, or something chronic that will always be around, then we have to cope and remember to still be gentle not only towards ourselves but also those around.
-How to reverse it: There are few upsides to being ill, but there are some thoughts that you can keep in mind to make it less unpleasant.
1- Accept the illness for what it is: do not overestimate or underestimate it.
2- See how you can bring positive changes about as a result of it: maybe you catching a cold is an indicator that you’re not exercising and resting enough? That you don’t wash your hands enough, touch your face a lot when you’re in public (thus giving germs a direct way into our system) or that you are not eating well and not getting your nutrients.
3- Take on a holistic approach to getting well; falling ill is often a result of several factors; therefore, several things that we ought to change. This may be your chance to become better acquainted with your body and do what is best for yourself: mind, body and soul.
4- Make room for a lot of humor in your life: laughter is nature’s best medicine and things will seem less overwhelming if you can laugh at them, even if they are very serious.
Final Note: Illness can be seen as something entirely negative, and in some extreme cases, it seems to be an unfair curse. In the event that you should choose to see the illness (big or small) as a challenge and a lesson, it becomes a bit less mentally draining. I am a big believer in accepting what we can and cannot change and focusing on building willpower and using that power effectively to bring about the best possible results.
-Why it happens: When it comes to conflict, arguments and misunderstandings, there are a few scenarios and ways that they occur and proceed.
1-We sometimes do it to ourselves, you bring that negativity with you expecting for it to be present and wind up causing yourself trouble.
2-You are holding onto a grudge, are impatient and wind up picking a fight or perhaps this is done to you.
3-You simply are unhappy, either with yourself, your life or a specific person.
The outcomes: there can be an argument that leads nowhere; an argument that leads to some resolution and deeper understanding; avoidance of the issue (by one or all people concerned) or a final decision / conclusion is reached that is often long overdue.
-How to reverse it: I often believe that conflict is necessary when it happens; however this is not always applicable, some issue are simply ridiculous or the result of a toxic environment.
When a conflict arises:
1- My number one tip is SILENCE THE EGO – put that bad boy away and focus on the moment, your goals in this relationship and how you want to feel about yourself afterwards.
2-Find ways to discuss without arguing senselessly and possibly hurting and offending one another.
3-Make the discussion funny, when possible, laugh at what is bothering you so; don’t make it something so heavy, don’t let it continue to work you up as you are trying to work it out.
4-Be ready to make compromises, see the efforts that the other person is making and do not belittle their feelings. None of you will get ahead if the discussion is not being conducted in a safe space free of judgement (this can be very hard, because we get caught up in ourselves, that’s why my first tip is so important).
Final Note: An argument is not a contest nor is it a debate, it is the result of one or more persons feeling some way that needs to be expressed. Although you cannot put everyone else’s feelings before yours, and you should speak your mind; you also cannot constantly express dissatisfaction and expect to progress if you are harboring a grudge or two. Overall be ready to make some changes, be understanding and be honest in a conflict, especially with yourself first as it will allow you to be this way with others.
If you want to comment to me directly, I am on Twitter as @danikayvonne or leave a comment below (: